W.A.L.T recall events through the eyes of an animal.
Success Criteria
I know I will be successful when my recount has a
- Title
- Orientation: When? Who? Where? Why?
- Sequence of events: What happened?
- Personal Comment: How did the events make you feel?
First draft
The cafls bad day
Today is a great day to go for a stroll in the African savanna in October don't you think baby calf. I said yeah and we went to the river but I could see something and didn't know what it was
I was walking along the river bank. Until dad stopped and and yelled run back. Because he sore and pride of lions. I ran as fast as I could. i can hear them getting closer and closer i lost my balance and i fall in the yukky water. The lions were pulling me out of the water. Until a crocodile came and pulled me to so it was tug of war. The lions got me i was still alive i was just cut and scratches. My dad got some more buffaloes. Then the lions ran And i was out of the water. I was rescued by my mum,dad,sister and brother. After i got out of the water i went behind mum. Wiel dad chased the lions away.
I was so relieved that my dad came back and rescued me from the jaws of the lions. I learnt my lesson to stay in the middle of the herd.
Well good job Hayden I really like your describing words. I hope you will post more like this.
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ReplyDeleteWow! awesome writing Hayden. I really like how you said today is a great day to go for a stroll in the African savanna in October don't you think baby calf. I think you should put some punctuation in your writing and make sure some sentences makes sense.
Like when you said ‘I ran as fast as I could. can hear them getting closer and closer i lost my balance and i fall in the yukky water.
Awesome job Hayden. I really like your story! You painted a picture in my head telling me that you are a baby buffalo calf. I think you need to check your spelling mistakes. For example your sore needs to be saw. Some of your I are lower case not upper case. But I really liked your story Hayden.
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